I know I (sort of) promised not to write about sports anymore, but (sort of) promises are made to be broken.
OLN's coverage of "the new NHL" has everyone reaching for their parachute pants and Chess King shirts as the sub-cable access production values of the set bring to mind ESPN circa 1980. The poor back lighting is a nauseating rainbow of soft neon offset by a yellow haze that engulfs the hosts, giving them a feverish, clammy appearance; one might be excused for recoiling in horror at the sight of Neil Smith, who appears to be halfway through a ghastly marionette-to-real-boy metamorphosis. For the entire pre-game show and much of the first intermission on Wednesday, the audio was about a half second behind the lips of the hosts. I guess that's what happens when the budgetary demands of "Twelve Point Buck" and "Ted Nugent's Fun Time Slaughterhouse Kill Spree" take precedence.
Which isn't as bad as it sounds in the long run as the viewer's attention is hypnotically drawn to the huckster-ish tones of the company men perched behind the cardboard desk on the OLN set who chirp on mercilessly about the power and glory of "the new NHL." If one is to believe the mindless chatter emanating from the maws of Smith, Bill Clement and Keith Jones, it's a miracle that goals were ever scored at all in "the old NHL," which the uninitiated might be excused for believing consisted of a few dozen men in executioner's hoods, armed with machetes and attempting to hack each other's legs off.
Well, okay, Clement isn't all that bad, and even though my skin crawls when he bleats, "I love the shootout," I can't get too worked up as I'm pretty keen on the shootout myself. To hell with the purists, it's about skill and pressure and it's fun.
The elimination of the red line? Ehhh. As Tom Benjamin notes, it might just keep everybody clogging up the blueline. I'd like to see a few Devils and Wild games before getting all worked up over the two-line pass.
Restrictions on goalie movement? Fine I guess, though I don't really see how it's going to draw new fans in. Generally speaking, I don't think people are entranced by constant references to trapezoids.
Less clutching and grabbing? I have no idea how it's going to play out, but while the players adjust there's a constant parade to the penalty box, which isn't doing much to improve the flow of the game. I know, patience. I'm sure it'll all end up being fine, and I'm just as sure that in the final analysis, "the new NHL" won't look all that different from "the old NHL."
Part of the problem, I suppose, is that I live in a city with no NHL team. I'm told that Chicago has a storied franchise called the "Black Hawks" or something, but this information is not borne out by the TV listings. Maybe there used to be a team in Chicago and the draconian financial system of years gone by forced the poor owner out of business, but for now, we've got nothing as far as I can tell. But hey, the NHL has finally reached the age of enlightenment now that the greedy players have been put in their place by the salary cap, so it may be just a matter of time before Chicago hockey fans get a team. Surely some struggling owner would like to move his franchise here for a fresh start. Maybe the Bruins. I hear their owner's been losing money hand over fist...